The F-word

I'm talking about Feminism. I do believe I am from the lucky generation. Some degree of 'feminist thinking' has seeped into the minds of our male counterparts.


However, I now find myself wondering; are we sabotaging ourselves?

I recently had a friend Nina* confide in me her nervousness about meeting a long term friend's wife. She felt uncomfortable about being looked at as 'that female friend'.

Nina: Aaron and his wife have invited me to his place tonight for dinner. I really dont think she likes me very much..
Me: Oh? I'm sure she likes you. She wouldn't invite you to her home if she didn't!
Nina: I think she tolerates me because I have been friends with Aaron for a good 10 years. Long before she ever entered the picture.

So why would this woman not like Nina? To give you some background, there is no 'history' between Aaron and Nina. The only history is they have been good mates for a long time.

There are many women around who love the freedom brought about by feminists fighting for equality but when it comes to their husbands, they regress back into the 'Jerry Springer' age and any feminist attitudes go to hell.

I genuinely believe this is still a problem today. There is so much proof! House of cards, Scandal, Good Wife are all built around married men cheating on their wives and the wives in turn blaming the mistresses.
Unfortunately, in many cases the female best friend is often seen as a mistress....or a wannabe mistress in waiting! cue Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding anyone?

I sometimes wonder, at what cost have we achieved our freedom; if at all. How many women have been stepped over so another could 'climb'? When I look around, I see every woman fighting for her own equality.
In this fight for equality, have we just forgotten our manners?

So what is feminism? Feminism is about freedom. The freedom to smash the glass ceiling (Carolyn McCall) or the freedom to get your cans out (cue Kim Kardashian, Melania Trump).

Men have a role to play in the human regression in behaviour toward women too!

What would you think if something like this happened to you?

At an interview....
Male interviewer asks the female interviewee, "Are you planning on having children?"

When a woman was not feeling well at work, a male colleague responds, "Congratulations! When is it due?"

In a meeting, one guy poses a question. "where do you think we'll all be in 10 years?" Each person takes turns answering the question. Every answer has something to do with work and career. Then, its time for the only woman in the room to answer. Before she has a chance to respond, one of the guys jumps in with, "She'll probably be knee deep in kids; baking cakes for school fetes." *cue uncomfortable smiles all around*

Courtesy @nadinemueller

Some people may find the above statements funny; and as as a one off, perhaps they could have been. But let me tell you some other things each of these incidents had in common. In each case, there were multiple men in the room. In each case, there were male observers embarrassed by the comments made by their friends / colleagues. In each case, everyone stayed quiet. And in each case, the woman in question felt isolated.

So many people run away from 'feminism'; men and women included. Maybe because feminism is often associated with hatred of men, burning bras and hairy armpits.
Here's my view on feminism.
Its about taking control of your own body, own life, having a vote, having a say and being given due respect; not for being a woman but for being part of the human race. It's about basic manners.

Personally, I'm a little confused about whether men can be feminists. I dont believe feminism is about hating men. To me, it is about gender equality. It is about standing against male privilege. I'm not saying all men are capitalising on their male privilege but dont they automatically (and often subconsciously) benefit from it. 

Quite A Year!

If you are an avid reader of the blog, you will have noticed my absence for some months now. Ofcourse, I'm talking to myself here as I dont think anybody has mentioned my online silence. So as this is more like a diary than a blog, I thought I would revisit 2016 and reflect on the year.

My immediate thought on the year 2016 is this is a year I would like to forget. Chalk it off and pretend it never happened. But, I promised myself I would be more positive this year so although I cant control my initial feelings, I can consciously put them aside.

Oh heck! Who am I kidding? I'm a pessimist and until I appease that side of my personality, there is no 'putting my feelings aside'.

My (not so little) Sister

The oil price remained low this year and I remained unemployed. I struggled with stress management and continue to fight to stay motivated and focused. There! Its out in the open and out of the way. That felt good. Phew! So what was good about 2016?

I connected with my sister like we haven't in a long time. I always thought of her as my younger sister; as someone to take care of. This year we became equal. She is not just my baby sister anymore. She is my friend, my confidante and I am immensely proud of where our relationship is now and of the strong independent woman she has become.

This big guy at Hamad International Airport
is with me at the beginning of every holiday.

I have travelled more than ever before. I spent three weeks in Trinidad and Tobago actually participating in Carnival there, five weeks in Australia, two weeks travelling through Spain and Portugal (where I met my cousin who I haven't seen in almost 15 years), and a week in Jordan and Dubai. Thats almost three months of travelling; much more than I would have been able to do had I been gainfully employed. Ofcourse, I am now pretty close to being broke; but I'm happy and it was worth every penny.

Floating in the Dead Sea

Carnival time in Trinidad

Toledo, Spain

Lisbon Monastery

The very gorgeous Bear

I have managed to care for a few fosters along the way too. First there was Nahla who was with me for a couple of weeks and was snatched up by a lovely in Chicago. This year also saw me meet my most
precious foster; Bear. He came from a most dire situation; failed adoption after almost a year, lapsed vaccinations, old age, amputated leg, cataracts developing in both eyes and suffering from terrible rashes in the Doha summer heat. Despite being ill treated and having had such a tough life, he loved whole heartedly and was a fighter. He went to a lovely home in Canada where he is thriving. I would go as far as to say he's showing all signs of being the real life Benjamin Button!
How does the saying go? Good things happen to good dogs?

Ofcourse, along the way our family grew to include Nazir (Naz) whose forever home fell through and subsequently led to him being a foster fail. I also rescued a gorgeous little kitten recently who I'm currently trying to find a loving home for.

Follow Gibson and Nazir on Instagram @gibbsandnaz

So all in all, 2016 has been a roller coaster of an adventure. I hope 2017 will open some doors to new challenges, adventures and pleasant surprises.

A New Chapter

Something very interesting happened to me a few months ago. I lost my job.

Thanks to the drop in oil price, the project I was working on was cancelled and along with it, my status as a gainfully employed adult. I had witnessed many rounds of lay-offs and although I knew the end was looming, in a market already flooded with unemployed engineers, a back-up plan was difficult to come by. None the less, what surprised me the most was my reaction to the words, "your position will be terminated".

As I join the crowd of the formerly employed, I know I am luckier than most. I have no dependants and a very supportive (employed) husband. He has provided me with a stable base to re-discover myself and think about what I want to do moving forward.

But in order to move forward, you do need to spend some time evaluating the past and that is what I have been doing the last few months.
No longer having a job to go to every morning has helped me learn a great many things;

Lesson 1: Don't mistake a colleague for a friend.
Think about it... We spend;

On an average weekday, we spend approximately 56% of our 'conscious day' with our colleagues while only spending 18% with family. After spending so much time with somebody, it is not infeasible to confuse them with being a friend. 

When I was given my news, I went around the office saying goodbye to every person I had ever spoken to in the office. I genuinely appreciated their support and their company during my time at the company. My interaction with them post having left, has taught me a lot about what a friendly co-worker looks like as opposed to a friend. If I had learned this lesson earlier, I would have saved myself a lot of time, and heartache.

Today, I can think of two people who would bail me 'out of jail' - so to speak. One would laugh hysterically on the way home, while the other would give me a long lecture. Both would be there in a jiffy!

Lesson 2: I am not my job

After years of defining myself as my job, it was quite a surprise to me that I was still able to survive without this identity! I know it sounds absurd, but I was freaking out about how I was now going to introduce myself to the world.

Pre Job loss;

Courtesy @dubaipetfood

Me: Hi, my name is Smruti.
Stranger: Hi Smruti, I'm John. And what do you do?
Me: I'm an engineer.

Post job loss;
Me: Hi, my name is Smruti.
Stranger: Hi Smruti, I'm John. And what do you do?
Me: I uh... foster dogs. I like dogs...

After a few deep breaths and lots of wine, I realized there is more to me than just my job. I am an engineer looking for opportunities (...who happens to love dogs).

Lesson 3: Dont hide the fact that you've been laid off

This is a particularly difficult thing to do. People are generally laid off because the organization has undergone a restructure. Most people will recognize that your competence at work had little to do with the layoff. Unfortunately, not everybody will see it that way; that is just the nature of the business, the environment and the people. Best to harden up and maintain a "C'est la vie" attitude.

When you start talking about being unemployed, you will be surprised at how many people will step up to help or at the very least, give some good advise. Often, these will be people that may not even be in the same field of work as you!

Lesson 4: Keep your wit

After weeks of burying my head in the sand and wondering what now, I realized that if I didnt lighten up the mood, I'd soon be crying. Stay positive, get out, meet people and keep laughing.
Think about it. Would you like to work with somebody with no sense of humour?

Merry Christmas

Its that time of year again where people send christmas cards to friends and family all over the world. If, like me, you have family living on the other side of the world, it is also the time of year that really highlights our differences.

Like clockwork, just before christmas, the holiday cards started arriving. These are laden with family photos of the senders with a simple "Merry Christmas from the "XYZ" Family" printed at the bottom of the card.

Let me ask this question... What is the point? From the pictures on the card, I can garner the following;

1. You have had at least 2 family vacations this year where you seemingly had a great time.
2. Junior seems to have grown a good 10 cm since last year.
3. John Doe and Mary Jane are still together and have not divorced.

I know I sound like the Grinch right now but bare with me. Even if you are not religious, Christmas is about laughter, fun and family getting together. Its about reflecting and reminiscing on the year that has passed and building anticipation for the year lying ahead. 

To me the generic, impersonal postcards just highlight our differences. If you cannot be bothered to write my name on the card, should you really be sending me one? 

Here's a tip for next year; save yourself the cost and hassle of printing, posting a card and get tech savvy.... Facebook allows you to do it for free with their memories app! That way, you can choose to send out a generic greeting (like you do now) and I can choose to ignore it (like I do now) while still being environmentally friendly!  

Luckily, as far as I am aware, this trend has not caught on in Australia - and I hope it never does! Ofcourse, my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable and its 'good' to hear from family. I on the other hand would like to know at the very least, that they actually meant to send that card to me! 

Am I asking too much? 

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!
From Spunky and his Porkchop ;o)